Happy Together
by Mizer Manakins
Summary: Kensuke... Daisuke can see him loving nobody but Ken, but does Ken feel the same? Part 2 is up!
1. Ken

**Happy Together**

Ken

**By Mizer Manakins**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Digimon, duh! If I did, we wouldn't have dial-up.

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Daisuke… He's always so open about things… I only wish I could be more like him. Actually say what I feel when I want to say it… That might be nice. Maybe a change for the better.. but no, it's just not me. That's just a great quality about him. He's my best friend, although sometimes I'm not exactly sure why… Just because he is, I guess. It's just one of those things you just accept and go with.

But then Daisuke had a very Daisuke thing to say. He's too direct, sometimes, but there was no avoiding it.

"Ken, I really like you as WAAAAY more than a friend. Will you go out with me?"

I didn't have any idea what to say. I never really thought if I liked him like that or not. It just never was an issue. But of course, him being Daisuke, he didn't even bother to find out if I was… well, attracted to other guys, before he asked me out. I let him down easy, and told him I was flattered, but I just didn't know.

I guess I handled it well.

But there's always that question in the back of my mind.

Could I possibly ever think of his as more… than JUST a friend? He's a guy, though… Could I like a guy? Is it right? Am I like that?… There's so many questions, but I just don't know if I could. I've never been put in the position where I would need to know. I'm only sixteen… Do I need to know that right now? Well, yeah. If Dai gets impatient… he'll bug me… I need a yes or no… but I don't know if I'm even into guys, much less, just him… damn. It's all pretty confusing, but why does he have to like ME? I know, I'm whining, but I really don't want to deal with this right now… but maybe if I get over with it?…. But how am I supposed to know? It's not like I can take a stupid questionaire and get a direct yes or no answer… He's my best friend. I've always gone to him when I've had something on my mind, so who do I talk to now? He wants me to be more than just his friend, but do I want that? Would it work? Do I _want_ to like him? Do I? Do I know anyone else I can trust with this?… Well, yes, he did come out about a year ago, but I can't really talk to anyone else about this… I doubt any of them know what this is like… It's not fair, really. It's not fair to me. I just don't know what I'm supposed to do now.

Do I _want_ to know if I like Daisuke?

What would happen should we… break up? I've heard that some people never speak to each other again after a break up, and I don't want that. Whatever Daisuke may mean to me, he is first and foremost my best friend, and I should put that before everything else.

I mean, he IS one the of few good friends I've managed to make, and I don't intend on letting him go. I don't think I could live again without knowing that someone cares about me… I suffered that long enough, but in a way, I suppose it WAS myself that was at fault.

But as to my dilema. I don't know HOW I'm supposed to just _know_. And I doubt I could really… talk to anyone. Daisuke is who I've always gone to, and this time I can't. I know how he feels, and I have no clue as to myself… I've never thought about it. It never occurred that he could possible think something of me that I didn't expect. I expected he could have thought of me as a friend, maybe, and enemy at times, a bit jealous, possibly, but I never imagined I could be the object of his affections… But I'm not so sure I'm okay with it.

The problem with Daisuke is… he puts everything into his whatever his latest project may be, and tag! Look who's it? But it's not like I can TELL him this… It would hurt him, and I don't want that. I just want him to be happy, but sometimes I have to stop and wonder… What exactly _does_ he want? Do I mean the world to him, or am I just another thing on his mind? I doubt it's a joke, seeing as what a cruel joke it would be, but still, in all honesty, I almost don't trust his motives.

Is he just hoping he'll get something out of me? A good laugh, perhaps? Or is he just into the physical aspect of a prospective relationship?… If that was it, why is he turning to me? He has girls swooning over him (although not as many as Tai, of course), so why would he be worried about trying to get it on with me? Really, if that was the case, it might be funny, but I highly doubt it. There's just something about him… But is it right? I've never really questioned my own morales (but of course I question other's…) so what do I think about this? It's never occurred to me that it COULD happen to me, and frankly I'm at a loss for words. Again I say, he is, first and foremost, my friend. I will do nothing to compromise that, but if I refuse him, will he hate me? If I were to keep quiet, would he pester me for an answer? Must I say yes or no? Or may I keep myself and my feelings hidden, whatever they may be?

But I ended up at a party Sora was having at her house, and Daisuke was being Daisuke again.

Not so lucky for me.

I love him like a brother, but sometimes he can get… carried away, shall I say? And he did. Again.

It started off just like almost every other party I had been to (but I must admit, that's not very many, but I do recall that it was the one where Yamato got drunk and kissed Tai… but I'm NOT jealous, thank you!…) with the usual drinking, talking, and finally by the time Dai was drunk, they were on the the infamous truth or dare. He proceded to profess his love for me to everyone in the room, plus all the housing units within three blocks, and I must say that I hate it. I don't like him getting his hopes up when I'm not sure what my true feelings are. If I DON'T like him, then what should I do? Tell him I hate his guts or try to stay friends or what? I'll have to explore all my options once I figure it all out in the first place. There's no use in looking ahead this time. I'll plan when I have facts… but it might take a while to procure them from myself. This is just something that I've never really had to worry about. Getting information out of other people has always been so easy, but myself? I've never had to. Manipulation has always gotten me where I wanted to go… or at least where I thought I wanted to go. I think back now, and I realize I was never happy then… Is that all I want? To be happy? I've been in a better mood since he became my friend. Yes, I admit, he was, and still can be extrememly annoying, but it's all a part of his charm. Should I ever try to change that… I'd be miserable all over again. I've always been lonely, no matter how many people surrounded me, until him. I knew they were all fake. Not a single one of them had sincere feelings of love or worry, and none of them cared in the least about me. So now I have Daisuke, but I could lose him if I don't chose wisely. One way, I can make him happy for a while, but if I discover that I don't truly love him, then I'd break his heart. And if I just know that I could never think of him as more than a friend, I'll regret it. HE might take it well, but he might not, but what todo? What's worse is the possibility that I might tell him I DON'T have feelings for him, and later discover later that I really DO, but it might be too late.

So I know that for anything to work out in our friendship, I will have to be one hundred percent sure of what I feel, and stick to my choice.

And all this thought of losing him gets rather depressing, but I have to prepare for the worst possible scenario. In actuality, there is and infinte amout of possibilities of what I could do and what could happen, but the most efficient preparation would be to think about these two broad categories of choices. All the how to's, when and where's can all be saved for later, but Daisuke and I will either both win or both lose. I don't want to risk losing him.

So what to do?

I assume that proceeding on with my life and just hoping it'll come to me one day will work.

* * *

**R&R**


	2. Daisuke

**Happy Together**

Daisuke

**By Mizer Manakins**

**Disclaimer:** How many times do I have to say this? I do NOT own digimon… okay?…

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I'm not stupid. I know what they think of me… I know pretty much what everyone thinks of me, except him. I'm a 'jock', an 'ass', a 'joker', 'totally out of it', and there's plenty more. But what am I to him?

I admit, yes I tend to take risks more often than most people do, but life's more interesting, as they say. But that's not why I do, I guess. I do simply because I don't care. I have my eyes on one goal, but does he care?

I admit my feelings are… possibly unacceptable to him. We never discussed that whole subject of guys and guys, so I am completely clueless as to how he feels about the subject.

God forbid I ruin a friendship. I want nothing but his happiness, and if I make him uncomfortable in any way, maybe it's better I abandon my feelings for his sake?…

Damn, it all seems so sentimental… Cheesy. I guess words just don't cut it sometimes… Because I can't explain this love. Or maybe it's because I nearly flunked grammar all through school.

He seemed to just be.. I dunno, flustered. Like he didn't expect it. But knowing him, it could be an act. What if he hates me now, but is just too cool to say so?

There's so many things I could have done wrong.

But he's my friend, first and foremost. And it would do me a world of good to remember that. Perhaps that's the key.

But why do I find myself second guessing? What is it I love about him?….

His sincerity. Although it takes a while for anyone to understand what he means, he's always true to what he feels…. Or at least that's how I see it, and that's all that matters in this case, I suppose. How I feel and what I love about him. I wouldn't care if he was the most hated man on the earth! What other people think of him…. Me… us?… none of it matters in the end. Because it has nothing to do with them.

So why does everyone worry so much? All these meddling church ladies trying to prevent people's happiness and condemning them all to hell? I do not agree.

Love is- well, I don't know. Love is love, and I suppose there is nothing at all to be done about that. There's no sufficient way to define it correctly, but the effects are all around us.

Love is what moves us all on to the next day. The love of someone brings joy into the lives of even the forgotten, the lost, and the lonely. When the lonely have love, it is simply oneness.

But why do I think about love? What's the use? I'm just terribly… afraid. He might turn away from me. What to do then? I can't imagine a world without him, much less a world where he's there, but not there at the same time. He is ..untouchable.

My only idea of happiness is for the happiness of him. I know it's not selfless. If he is happy, I gain from it. For as long as my beloved is happy, I know I haven't ruined his life, betrayed him, did anything to regret. Even if one day we should be far apart – not neccesarily distance on the earth, if he should pass on, I would be happy, for he would no longer have to suffer this life on earth, nor would he suffer the loss of myself, should he care if I died.

But saying that nothing changed between us, and he would stay my best friend in all the world… would I become selfish? Am I selfish now?

Yes. I try to convince myself that I would be equally happy if he did not feel the same, but deep down, I'm praying for him to return these feelings…

If he was feeling what I am feeling now, I would be sure of his joy. Every day near to him is heaven on earth, but there is a longing in my own heart to have a connection to him.

He's beautiful in every possible way. And if at all possible, I would spend the rest of my life with him.

I know any sensible person would see this as puppy love. Say I'll get over it in a little while. It's not real love.

I've known puppy love many a time before, and never has it felt like this. It goes much deeper than that. I would give anything for him to be content with the life he leads, to be unashamed of who he is.

He is my Ken. Even if he is not _my_ Ken, he will always be my Ken.

I could be no more jubilant than I am when I am near to him.

But I know there's a darker side here somewhere. And that is this - I can't wait forever. I know it's not right to expect an answer now, but all this waiting and wondering… It's going to drive me insane one day or another, and we've been the best of friends forever, so I know he knows, but is that called pressure? I don't want to pressure him, but what if I am unintentionally? Would he tell me?… I just want everyone to be happy!… Don't I?

Don't I?…

Am I really all that laid back? Everyone seems to think so… Nothing seems to matter, and it doesn't… Maybe because I spend so much of that energy on thoughts of what could be and what he could say…

But I know I'm not stupid… It's just one of those times I wonder if I'll ever understand myself.

I want an answer. What will he say?

* * *

R&R

Mizer Manakins


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